In the book of Romans 7:14 Paul struggles with his own wicked and evil nature as a man.
In the same chapter along verse 19 he repents the failing of his own condition and actions.
Today is such a day for me.
For the good I would do I do not: but the evil which I would not that I do.
The Apostle Paul brings me closer to Jesus than any other Apostle.
He was an extremely righteous man under the law of Moses.
He kept himself righteous within the law and was an upstanding man of his people.
In this fanatical righteousness he killed and imprisoned those who spoke of Jesus and the resurrection.
Unlike Paul I have not killed anyone, but I have partaken in every other law of disobedience that Moses taught.
My wickedness is shameful. My rebellion to God's blessing and grace will always be in my flesh and until I heed
the spirit within my soul remains tormented.
In as much as I have abandoned many of my old ways, some just seem to be the devil in denying.
There is no glory in sin I used to enjoy, but there is a great self loathing for habits that are yet remaining.
What I know is that God's love for us demanded the sacrifice of Jesus so that God himself could be glorified above all
that He made.
I can not say because of Jesus' teachings that I won't face the wrath of God's Judgement because of
Matthew 7: 21-23. I still knowingly sin.
Until I satisfy myself that I go in a day living as Christlike as I can this is the peril I invite.
Because I believe that Christ is able to be my savior because that was His purpose
I have to do the work.
I am hopeful in my faith because of how I have changed from what I was towards what I still yet need to be.
My nature isn't one to avoid trouble; for years I swam in sin fully enjoying it.
Yes there were consequences to be paid and I have paid them.
Temptation is still a great danger to me even as I try to avoid it it seems to fall upon my selfish shoulders,
maybe I just avoid putting on the complete spiritual armor required to live in victory.
I live the wholesomeness of not deserving Jesus' sacrifice. I know Jesus wants me to be His friend,
but yet there are days when I am too self involved to be His friend or servant.
Because I believe that He died for my sins as well as mankind's and proved out God's ultimate and mighty authority as creator in His
rising from the dead my hope in growing more faithful draws me closer to the day when I will love Jesus enough to do what He says to do.
If this struggle can be overcome then I may one day be worthy of being in the number that God calls elect.
Christianity isn't for cowards. I truly am my own worst enemy and that is what the devil is betting on.